As you all will soon learn about me, I am all over the place sometimes. But it is a wonderfully organized mess of chaos. beauty and absolute order…if that makes any sense. As they say, there’s a method to my madness. But right now I’m feeling the itch to rid myself of the method. *gasp*, oh no….what would be left. Only madness right? No no no…calm down. I will replace the method with authenticity.
See, I’ve been feeling a sense of apathy regarding my relationship with Christ. It’s been like a marriage gone dry. An obligation to a covenant that has lost its pizazz. Rote…routine…methodical…insincere. Not on purpose mind you, just by habit. I could be worshipping God and almost fall asleep because my mind is not there. In a moment’s notice I can be standing with hands lifted in worship focused on the goodness of God, and then be completely engulfed in the lady’s hair two rows up from me at church and how her roots were way past needing a touch up. After a few minutes of my mind falling down the rabbit hole of anything-other-than-worship I realize that I’m not worshipping and I should pay attention…so I snap back to reality and jump into the intense bridge to my favorite worship song…whatever it’s called. But it doesn’t take long before I’m off and running again on to some other tangent. Sometimes those tangents are all that get me through a church service or personal time or worship and prayer. How horrible is that? I’m a veteran Christian! 14 years in the fold! I should be able to worship with my eyes closed…lol…I made a funny. Did you see what I did there? With my eyes closed? You know cause you close your eyes when you wor… eh, nevermind.
ahem…Movin on…
I mean, not only have I been a Christian for 14 years, I have a BS degree in Biblical Studies. I should be glowing right? lol. *sigh*. Then I realized that it wasn’t my faith or my love for Jesus that was dull…it was my method. Yes, I had a method. You have a method. It’s how we operate. We are creatures of habit and routine and sometimes you just gotta change it up. SO I decided to remove the method. And here’s how.
I’m in the process now of figuring out how to make my relationship with Christ the most organic and genuine version of itself that it can be. I’m very interested in incorporating a few things that I enjoy and making them a part of my walk with Jesus. Although I am a Christian, I like a lot of the Indian culture – the architecture and décor. I also really like the idea of meditation and peacefulness found in the Buddhist practices. In addition to that I’m also interested in some of the practices of the Messianic Jews. SO, I think I’m going to start doing a lot of study and when I come up for air, have a much more organic view of how to walk out my faith. I can be a Christian who listens to Indian inspired Christian music and meditates on the Word of God while seeking His peace in a state of Zen on the high holy days…right
I want to remove the “methods” that I have learned about how to worship, how to pray, and how to view holidays and the Sabbath and spiritual disciplines, and see what Jesus and I can create on our own. To see what will happen when I only allow myself to meditate when I pray. Not ask for anything or whine about my problems. Just focus on a word from scripture or an image. To learn to sit in silence. To see what happens when I really give true meaning to the Sabbath and observe it like the Jews do. To sing songs of worship to Jesus in Hindi, forcing me to actively participate in the song and not go numb to familiar choruses that I can sing in my sleep. Maybe to even experience praying five times a day like Muslims…having to be conscious and wake up some days at sunrise to pray and then drop whatever I’m doing at noon, afternoon, sunset and evening to talk to Jesus….rotating my practices as the Spirit of God leads. I am excited to see where this goes when religion is cast to the wind and relationship with Jesus is paramount.
To Be Continued…
Hippie Christian Chick 